It’s hard to ignore it.
I sit on the front porch listening to the stillness of the sound. An ocean breeze floods my lungs.
I inhale it’s freshness and try to exhale the negativity.
I stare at the hazy Seattle suburban sky and search for a star or a sign to calm my soul.
When we survive negativity, it is a feat all in its own. Negativity has the ability to crush the very core of the human soul; fear destroys the essence of who we are by forcing us to ask that question…. Who am I?
The negativity I’ve been surrounded by in the last few months is something I would have not survived 5 years ago.
I lean back against the step of the porch and study the pattern in the afghan I’m wrapped in.
I have changed and I am stronger than I think I am. I just have to start believing it. Strength is something that you gain from negativity. It’s something you yank out of the hands that try to pull you down, to suffocate you.
Strength is when you look the monster in the eyes and say enough is enough.
Strength is when you sit on the front porch and stare at the sky, and toss your anxiety into the empty and quiet Puget sound.
That sound holds a lot of my fears…. carelessly and bravely tossed away to be held in the secrets of the depths.
As simple as it seems to overcome anxiety and fear, it’s still a battle. A battle I hope I will soon overcome.
But that’s the beauty of it all, isn’t it?
We have to keep fighting in order to get stronger.
Of a place called home.
Warm, cozy, and quaint.
The colors are cool, the fire is warm.
I read a book, while you take a nap.
The jazz plays on and you play with my hair.
A piece of me here, a flavor of you there.
Our common interests everywhere.
A king sized bed with room for the cat.
Room to cuddle, room to snuggle, and room to dream.
To dream of a life we never thought possible
To support one another, to love one another, and to simply be.
To argue when we may, but to love through it all.
And to know that it’s us until the very end… Until we reach the unknown that is after.
To look to the future with bight eyes and throw caution to the wind when all else fails.
Because we, ourselves, are a miracle.
And that miracle begins and ends with a home in each other’s hearts.
In anticipation. A familiar feeling, yet different somehow.
The excitement this time I have no words to explain.
I dream of your smile, your hug, and your kisses.
I dream of everything that could be, including your Mrs.
My heart beats in anticipation.
My soul counts down the days and closes the distance.
Life is a school, and
God, the teacher.
I cried out to him:
For mercy, for love.
At the bottom of life
I felt he had left.
Only I was too lost to hear Him speak.
”Why? Why have you left me alone?
To be eaten up by this place I call home!”
He sat in silence, in spite of my prayer.
clearly, i thought, he just doesn’t care!
For a while I wandered here…. and there.
Blaming Him for the struggle I had to bare.
I saw religion as a waste of time.
It was something that helped me make
Up my mind:
If you really loved me you would be true!
You would pick me up from this mess
I have made!
My prayer was not valid,
though I didn’t know.
He doesn’t always answer
EVery whim of my soul..
Losing all hope.
Feeling as though I had finally hit the
Finally He spoke.
When all seemed gone.
When I felt like His back
Had been turned for good;
He opened his mouth and I
His timing is perfect.
He knows when to move.
I had to endure the grieves,
I had to become lost
Only to be found again
Only to understand him fully
Only to know that prayer does
not work like a vending machine.
JEsus, my Lord, died for me.
And he is the reason that I can
The mistakes I made
The love that He gave
That man is sinful, but it is He
I cannot be in this world,
without giving into the things i
The trials are what make me
all that i can
He lets us mess up every now
But He always picks us up if
We ask honestly and humbly.
His love is eternal
His timing is perfect
He is always reaching out
with a strong and loving hand.
I just have to take it,
He is the teacher and I
He lets me learn things
That normally I couldn’t.
! live for God.
And for hate.
I live for the
Pursuit of happiness.
and the idea of Prince Charming.
I live for food,
For the thought of
A place called
For the every
that the world offers.
I live for the Father,
And the Holy Spirit.
For the days that have
And the days
Yet to be.
I live for myself,
And all of my needs.
I live for tomorrow
and the days ahead.
I live simply
There is no other